Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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