Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize