just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize