The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sorry about my life...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
