I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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