We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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