Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
