I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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