Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
