I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
