i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
