WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
