lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The air taste purple.
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