hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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