Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
