Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize