Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize