a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
