he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
