i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize