Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
