So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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