Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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