Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
