you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
