I puked a lego.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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