I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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