Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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