dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
