we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
