Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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