SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
