Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
