I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
only if we run a train.
done.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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