i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize