she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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