bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
