hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
