There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
