This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
