A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
