Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
