Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
