apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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