I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
