I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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