Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
