theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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