So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
