if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Im part way to drunk.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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