puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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