Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
