I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this beer tastes like vomit already
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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