Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
