I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
