You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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