Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
