I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
