in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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