Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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