I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
