We won't sleep together?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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