It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
