When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
