I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
