I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
