never play flip cup with pint glasses
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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