Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
