sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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