'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
