I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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