What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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